Victoria Sandwich Cake : Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." - Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

When a lady of good breeding hosts a guest for tea, she must display her abilities with a properly set table. Fresh, hot tea should be ready in the parlour so a guest may enjoy a cup at her leisure.

An English Cake will impress, without exposing excess. It must be baked to a golden hue, filled with just enough cream and jam to suffice, and a perfect round shape. Proportion is the key to perfection.

Victoria Sandwich with Vanilla Buttercream and Strawberry Preserves

While a true lady should never be seen in her kitchen, a good mistress must instruct her cook in all method and manner. A lady's table is indecent without a properly baked cake.

Sponge Cake


16 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
6 oz strawberry jam


1. Heat over to 190 C/ 375 F. Grease two 8 20-cm/8-in cake tins. Place butter, sugar, and vanilla in a bowl and beat until creamy and light. Slowly add the eggs and continue to beat.

2. Mix the flour and baking powder in a separate bowl, and slowly still into the wet ingredients till smooth. Be careful no to over beat, lest your cake should be tough.

3. Divide the batter into the two tins evenly. Bake for 20 min, until top in golden and smooth. Allow to cool entirely before spreading jam and cream, and dusting lightly with icing sugar.

Vanilla Buttercream


8 oz butter, softened
4 cups icing sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla extract


1. Beat butter until smooth and creamy. Carefully sift the icing sugar into the butter, and mix. Then add the vanilla and continue to beat until light and fluffy.
2. Spread on your fresh cake and enjoy!

When one invites a lady to tea, one must remember to check whether one's guest is a zombie.

Distinguishing characteristics include open exposures of the brain matter, torn eye cavities, and a unquenchable thirst for human blood.

Readily remove your guest should she try to rip your face off.  If necessary, call upon your maid or manservant to help you in that respect.

A lady of good breeding always cleans her knives after disposing of undead visitors.

Fake Blood:


1 cup grenadine
2 tbsp milk


1. Boil the shit out of the grenadine. Right about to smoking point. Pour into a glass container and carefully stir in milk.

Happy Baking! And Happy Halloween!


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