Victoria Sandwich Cake : Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." - Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

When a lady of good breeding hosts a guest for tea, she must display her abilities with a properly set table. Fresh, hot tea should be ready in the parlour so a guest may enjoy a cup at her leisure.

An English Cake will impress, without exposing excess. It must be baked to a golden hue, filled with just enough cream and jam to suffice, and a perfect round shape. Proportion is the key to perfection.

Victoria Sandwich with Vanilla Buttercream and Strawberry Preserves

While a true lady should never be seen in her kitchen, a good mistress must instruct her cook in all method and manner. A lady's table is indecent without a properly baked cake.

Sponge Cake


16 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
6 oz strawberry jam


1. Heat over to 190 C/ 375 F. Grease two 8 20-cm/8-in cake tins. Place butter, sugar, and vanilla in a bowl and beat until creamy and light. Slowly add the eggs and continue to beat.

2. Mix the flour and baking powder in a separate bowl, and slowly still into the wet ingredients till smooth. Be careful no to over beat, lest your cake should be tough.

3. Divide the batter into the two tins evenly. Bake for 20 min, until top in golden and smooth. Allow to cool entirely before spreading jam and cream, and dusting lightly with icing sugar.

Vanilla Buttercream


8 oz butter, softened
4 cups icing sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla extract


1. Beat butter until smooth and creamy. Carefully sift the icing sugar into the butter, and mix. Then add the vanilla and continue to beat until light and fluffy.
2. Spread on your fresh cake and enjoy!

When one invites a lady to tea, one must remember to check whether one's guest is a zombie.

Distinguishing characteristics include open exposures of the brain matter, torn eye cavities, and a unquenchable thirst for human blood.

Readily remove your guest should she try to rip your face off.  If necessary, call upon your maid or manservant to help you in that respect.

A lady of good breeding always cleans her knives after disposing of undead visitors.

Fake Blood:


1 cup grenadine
2 tbsp milk


1. Boil the shit out of the grenadine. Right about to smoking point. Pour into a glass container and carefully stir in milk.

Happy Baking! And Happy Halloween!

Chocolate Haystack Monsters

Happy Halloween Eve!
Haystacks are a family tradition in my household. Every fall, as soon as the weather begins to turn, these little chocolate mounds appear at bake sales and hockey parties. One of the most unusual treats I've ever eaten, they are none-the-less a childhood staple. My mom always made them with orange and chocolate sprinkles, but I was late to the Halloween decorating party, and had to go for these little candy eyes. All the cuter!
And haystacks are ridiculously easy. There are only three ingredients. They can be made in the microwave.. These are the dessert equivalent of last minute DIY Halloween costumes. And just like costumes, homemade treats are way better than store bought.


1 cup dark chocolate morsels
1 cup butterscotch morsels
2 cups Chow Mein noodles, dried
Sprinkles or candy eyes, for decoration



1. In a microwave safe bowl or stove-top double boiler, melt the chocolate and butterscotch morsels until smooth.  Make sure to add heat slowly, and stir often.
2. Gently stir in the chow mien noodles, till evenly coated.
3. Spoon out 1-2 inch mounds onto a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Decorate with sprinkle, eyes, etc.
4. Freeze or refrigerate until firm.

Enjoy! Crumbly, sweet, and spooky.

Happy baking!

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